Welcome to the inner workings of my mind

Now and then, for reasons unclear to me, I just short circuit for a couple days. Some part of my brain that is vital for basic, day-to-day functions dons its dancing shoes and does the hokey-pokey into the merry old land of Oz for a little fiesta, unforgivably leaving the rest of me here to deal with the weird looks from those who witness my scatterbrained wackiness. I fall short of actual hallucinations but I have these moments where the world just ceases to make sense to me; either that or it makes perfect sense to me but only to me (which is, it has to be said, not better). I frequently refer to these as “purse in the fridge, milk in the closet” days… take a guess why that is. Yup, good guess. I actually did that once.   I was going through such a phase last week and it’s kind of hilarious. Brief back-story for later: the last time I ran the dishwasher a plastic water bottle lid fell down and melted on the element, causing the entire load of dishes to wind up smelling like burnt plastic, including the water bottle I use at work. I hand washed the water bottle though and it no longer smiled like burnt plastic and I was happy. Remember this story for later. On Sunday, I was driving to the store and a bee was buzzing around my window while stopped at a stop light. The windows were up and for some reason I reached out to lock my car door. Wait, it gets better. I stopped before actually locking the door and laughed at myself, thinking, “What did I think was going to happen? Worst case, it would sting me! I’m not allergic. Silly Deleva!” Yeah, that’s right. I laughed at myself, but not because bees can’t open fucking car doors no matter how locked they aren’t. I didn’t laugh at myself because it was just a bee, as opposed to something that should really provoke me to need to protect myself, like John Malkovich with a hatchet and blood under his fingernails. No. I laughed because the bee, once it had it Hulked its way into my car like a deranged, mutated horror movie superbee, it could only harm me a little bit. Then Tuesday was the piece de resistance. The whole morning was fail on a level with this guy.

And it was sneaky fail, too. I had been failing for hours before I even noticed. Either that or the cranial hiccup that was making me fail in the first place was also making me oblivious (which is much more likely). I finally began to notice the proverbial toilet paper stuck to my shoe when I was in the checkout at the grocery store.

I stopped by Freddie’s to grab something for breakfast and lunch as well as some stuff like shampoo and conditioner. Keep in mind that I am, at this point, still unaware of the fail. I went to the correct aisle and reached for my conditioner of choice. As I did so, I thought to myself, “Make sure to grab the conditioner not the shampoo. The bottles look alike so be sure to grab the right one.” I grabbed the bottle and moved on. I then went to the frozen foods aisle and grabbed what I wanted for lunch and breakfast. A box fell out of the freezer and I picked it up and put it back in, and moved on with my so far delightful shopping experience. At least three employees stopped and asked me if I needed help with anything. I thought it odd at the time as, while the employees at this store are always nice, they’re not usually so solicitous. I now suspect they probably perceived a helpless vacancy to my expression of which I was unaware.

So I did the self check out and began ringing up my items. When I went to scan the conditioner, I noticed that it wasn’t fucking conditioner. It was shampoo. Apparently in the two seconds between me reminding myself to grab the right fucking thing and actually putting my hands on the item, I completely forgot my own reminder. Feeling too lazy to cancel my order and go back to get the right thing I just set it aside and told the attendant. Having fulfilled my whole shopping list though, I felt confident that I had everything else I needed, the more fool I. So I made my way to work and unpacked the items from my lunch bag.
No breakfast.

I went back out to check in my car to see if it had just fallen out of the bag. It had not. It had, apparently, never made it into the bag. I recalled the fallen item in the freezer section and came to this conclusion: the box that had dropped had been the item I wanted. So I essentially selected the item, put it in my cart, must have missed the cart and dropped it on the floor, picked it up and put it right back on the shelf. So… no breakfast for me. Luckily I had a smoothie I had prepared the night before full of delicious fruit and wonderfulness.

I had, of course, forgotten the straw I use for the smoothie. Not a disaster but it certainly makes less of a mess if I have the straw.

Then, having a couple extra minutes before my shift started, I reached for my Kindle. Yup. You guessed it. I forgot my Kindle at home. I barely go to the grocery store without my Kindle and here I was, sans reading material.

*sigh*

So remember the whole water bottle smelling like burnt plastic story? Wanna know how that turned out? Dying to know where I was going with that, aren’t you? So the final straw was when I went to take a sip of water (after discovering I had no breakfast, no conditioner, no straw and no Kindle) only to discover that my water bottle now tasted like lemony burnt plastic. Now naturally after all this it was hard not to speculate that something might not be entirely right. I blame it on lack of sleep. But then I began to question just about everything I did throughout the day and especially things I saw. To say I was anal retentive about things is a similar understatement to "the ocean is mildly damp." And being that anal retentive in that state brought me about to the level of awareness I usually have when I'm fully rested... which leaves a lot to be desired. I'm reasonably smart but in an absentminded way, so observant isn't really my best thing.

So... that night, when I got into my car to go home and turned on my headlights to see a small rodent of some kind desperately and hilariously (and unsuccessfully) scrambling to get over the curb directly in front of me, I had a "moment." Was I really seeing this or was this another pink frog incident? I mean this poor critter (I'm thinking a vole or a shrew maybe) was really working it, like getting to the other side of that curb was the difference between life and death (which it might have been as far as it was concerned. As deep down as my brain can get I still don't pretend to know how voles think). It was hopping and scrambling, and since it wasn't actually being hurt in any way, I felt perfectly free to laugh my ass off at it because it was, to my addled brain, outrageously funny. A few minutes of laughter later and I decided that I didn't really care whether or not it was real. If my brain was creating its own reality at least it was a funny reality and I can deal with that.

Strangely, despite all of this, I was in oddly good spirits. But then, you know how sometimes stupid people are frequently really really happy? I think that’s why. I was just oblivious to my own discomfort, or too tired to realize how miserable I should be.

Oh, what fresh hell is this?

If you have survived this wonderful, dreadful world long enough to get past the point of life where pooping your pants is socially acceptable, chances are you have seen someone you know go completely yumpy. I'm not talking about drinking too much in Atlantic City (the insanity inherent in going to Atlantic City notwithstanding), and stuffing more than the normal amount of dollar bills in more than the normal amount of strippers' panties. I'm talking totally pants-on-your head, I-know-what-math-tastes-like crazy.

If it was someone you knew well or for a long time, maybe at first you turned a blind eye. You assumed they were just going through a rough patch and it would get better soon.  I mean, you're a good friend so you probably waited on the sidelines, keeping a weather eye on them, ready to jump up and stop them from fucking anything/anyone they shouldn't, or from blowing all their money on that awesome investment they heard about from some guy in a pub called the Untrustworthy Cur or similar. But for the most part, at least at first, you just waited, expecting it to all work itself out with time.

But no doubt there eventually came a moment when they did something so unusual that you went, "Oh shit.  Bitch be trippin'." I've had more than a few of these in my life.

Tonight I had another, but it was different from the one's I've experienced before. I had this experience... with myself.

Now, considering that the world is veritably littered with sharp and shiny ways to do-si-do off the deep end and take everyone you know with you, what I did was pretty mellow and below the radar and I'm thankful for that.  In fact, I think most people wouldn't bat an eyelash at it. No one got hurt, no friendships were ended, I don't even think I hurt anyone's feelings. Really, it was more how I did what I did rather than what I actually did.

But it was so completely out of sorts with my own perception of myself that it made me pause.

See, I spoke out of anger. I rarely do this unless pushed, and I mean really pushed. The person who's talking to me really really has to want me to blow up in their face. :) They learn their lesson about that real quick.  It usually takes a lot to make me angry in the first damn place and when I do, I usually clam up and shut down so that I don't say or do anything I'll regret. Then once I've calmed down, I re-evaluate the situation and decide if I want to say something to the person, which I am then in a position to do calmly and rationally. I usually also decide to say nothing because I'm a pick-my- battles sort of person and I usually deem that it's not worth saying anything, especially when I know that the person didn't do whatever it was intentionally (as was the case here). So the fact that this particular trigger set me off... weird.  It's a signal that something isn't quite right with me.

And sadly, I think it goes back a while. I'm not the person I used to be.  I pride myself on being low-maintenance and easy going. I like being that way. Do I sometimes feel as though people take advantage of that?  Sure. But it comes with the territory.  It's the risk you run anytime you are a certain way: someone will take advantage of it. But you have to go on a case by case basis and take other things into consideration before getting upset.  I usually do. Last night I didn't, and that's really bothering me. And this isn't the first time it's happened.

Things just don't slide off my back like they used to. I get upset easily. I'm snappy, and not in that "quick, witty comeback" kind of way.  There are probably people here at my work who actually think I'm not a very nice person, and that is a hard thing to face.

Because generally, I am a really nice person! I'm positive, upbeat, I hate seeing people in turmoil and try to make them feel better.... And I like me that way!  It's always made me feel really good to be that nice person that (not to toot my own horn here) everyone seems to like. I really don't want to lose that.

The problem is, I don't know what the problem is.  :) I've got some stressors in my life of course; who doesn't? But I've been through worse than right now.  Much worse. The last twelve years have been... not always so great. Death, murder, suicide (not kidding about those), sickness, numerous health problems of my own, losing my job, bad times in marriage and friendships, a move I really didn't want to make, plus all the good stressors: new projects, forming new friendships, changing jobs to one I really enjoy. Comparatively, things right now aren't that bad.

I just don't know, though I have theories. The last few years have been bad in ways that might wind up building up a little, so I feel like my armor's been chipped away some. My reserves of tolerance and happiness have been depleted.  :) Maybe I just need to recharge my batteries or something,  but I think part of that might have to involve a few visits to a therapist... That, now that I think about it, might be long overdue.

I know that this post has been less than positive, and I apologize about that. I try to keep it upbeat here, so if you've gotten this far, thanks.  Here's a funny picture of Queen Elizabeth the First's carton of milk as a reward.

Firefly Panel at Comic Con 2012

Okay, so I know a lot of you have been waiting for these details, and I'm sorry it's taken so long. I needed a vacation from my vacation after I got back and it's been go go go! ever since.  Or so it seems over here.

Anyway, first of all I feel like I should guilt you all mercilessly inform you all, guilt trip free, that I walked probably a mile through the San Diego Convention Center and stood in line for 5 hours and sat through a panel I had no interest in to get to this one. 

AND IT WAS WORTH EVERY MINUTE.

Even standing in line was worth it because they were filming extra bits for the Firefly Ten Year Reunion DVD, and someone who shall remain nameless (BUT IT WAS ME ME ME ME ME!) was filmed not once but twice for said DVD.  No guaruntee my footage will make it on there, but my fingers are crossed (I think the Browncoat costume might have tipped them off as to what panel I was standing in line for).

Yes, folks, just sitting in the same room with those people was amazing.  The grueling horrible details of what I went through to get into this panel will be detailed in a more realistic but slightly less effervescent post on the whole con experience.

Anyway, to start off, it was not the whole cast.  I was kinda sad about that to be honest. The panel consisted of Jose Molina, Tim Minear, Alan Tudyk, Nathan Fillion, Summer Glau, Sean Maher, Adam Baldwin and of course, Joss Whedon. At the very beginning the moderator said something along the lines of, "I had a whole long speech prepared about the importance of Firefly but I think you know it (at which point everyone cheered like nuts)... so let's just get on with it."

He introduced Molina and Minear without a lot of fanfare, but then said, "This actor wanted to be introduced as bounty hunter and sandwich maker, but you know him better as 'a leaf on the wind.'"  And the crowd went wild.  :)  Kelly Blackler, I screamed extra special loud to cover both of us!  For those who might not know, I have a super huge little girl crush on Alan Tudyk.  He's cuter than a monkey with a puppy. I actually can't remember how Fillion was introduced but I think it might have been as Captain Tightpants. Summer Glau didn't get a funny tagline, Sean Maher was introduced as "a good doctor, a better brother."  Then the moderator said, "This is the audience participation part of the panel:  The hero of Canton, the man they call....." And of course we all shrieked out, "JAYNE!" Then, once the prodigious screaming had at least slowed down a bit, they introduced the man himself, Joss Whedon who took a seat between Summer and Nathan.

Then there was another long pause while they waited for the screaming to stop once again. Eventually the moderator said, "Okay, sit down we have stuff to do!" At which point the entire panel got up and made to walk offstage.  Laughter naturally ensued!

On the first question, the moderator asked Joss Whedon what it meant to be here on the tenth anniversary of this show.  He made a couple jokes at first, then went on to say that they knew from the very beginning that they were doing everything right.  He said he had the best cast he'd ever worked with... "and we also had Alan."  :)  Then he said something I thought was really amazing. I don't think I have it down exactly, but the gist was, "This goes beyond vindication, that came long ago. This goes to a place of transcendance that I can't describe without crying like a girlie man."

The moderator then asks Nathan Fillion the same thing, and he said that if he managed to get through it without crying it would look a lot cooler.  He went on to describe how Joss Whedon was the only one who'd take a chance on him playing a leading role and launching his career.

They talk about the episode with the heist on Ariel and call Simon "the Danny Ocean of Imperial hospital heists."

The next question was one of my favorite moments.The moderator goes on a bit about how much fun they were obviously having and asks Nathan what it was like while filming episodes. Nathan starts a little and says, clearly startled, "Oh who me?  Um... I'm glad you asked that.... I can't help but think... I should have been paying more attention to the question." Alan Tudyk then fields the question for him as he had been paying attention.  He tells a story about how when filming first began Nathan came up to a big bunch of people and said, "Okay we're learning everyone names.  You're Alan, you're Tim, you're Brian.  It's a game and I'm winning." Then walked off.  So it did become a game and apparently solidified everyone and even helped to eliminate the natural splitting off of cast from crew. I'm not very Grinch-like but my heart grew three sizes that day. :)

Next they showed the clip of Jayne getting that insanely wonderful hat from his mother and they asked about how much input Adam Baldwin had in that. He worked a lot with the props people he said and then went on to describe the hat as a "goldmine" and a "birthday cake in a wasteland." It was fun to see a man who usually plays such reticent characters get all excited about his hat and that he'd contributed to that part of the history. He then asked a trivia question that I can't remember and offered the hat he had on stage with him as the prize.  :)  Awesome prize...

The next question they ask Joss is regarding casting. Summer turns to him and says, "You can't change your mind now, I already did it." Joss replied that he could if George Lucas could and Summer laughed and gave him an appalled look.  He shrugged and said, "I'm not saying we've had a meeting about it or anything...."

Joss also said that while he was grateful to have there the people who were there, it broke his heart that some of the cast couldn't be there.  And not just so they could experience the reunion but also beacuse he missed them so much.  He said Jewel Stait made him cry and Gina Torres was the most badass woman he'd ever met. 

The moderator asked why Nathan Fillion was the perfect captain for Serenity. He revealed that there was never a time when he didn't consider Nathan the Captain.

During the fan questions, someone asked what their favorite piece of fan art or fiction was.  Not sure this actually counts, but Joss said that his favorite was a picture that Alan Tudyk commissioned from his sister. It was when they found out that Firefly was being cancelled, and he asked his sister to paint a picture of Joss protecting a real firefly in a jar from "evil Fox executives" who were apparently just a bunch of hanging suits.

Another fan asked (and I thought this was a great question), "Do you all feel just proud of what you did or do you sometimes think 'where were all these screaming fans ten years ago?'" Joss said that he loved it when people apologized to him for not watching Firefly until it was out on DVD.  His response is, "You're apologizing because you didn't see it until I got paid for it? You had to buy it from me?  GODDAMN YOU." Then went on to say that the 27 people who saw it when it aired loved it. 

And now we come to probably my favorite moment in the whole panel. I can't remember it exactly but Nathan said that when Firefly "died" he thought it was the worst thing that could have happened.  But now, looking out at all the fans at the reunion, he realized that the worst thing would be if it had stayed dead. Joss asked the audience to please Tweet that he said that.  :)

The next fan asked if they had ever camped out all night for anything and what it was.  Joss replied, "Camping." I love that man's sense of humor.

There were a lot of good fan questions, but I think this was the best: "If you'd known there'd only be one season of Firefly, how would the ending of the show have differed from Serenity?" One of the things he said was that he wouldn't have killed anyone.  Alan Tudyk raised his arms triumphantly.  :)

Now things were beginning to wind down on the panel and the moderator asked one final question:  "Joss, the phrase 'we're still flying' has become a mantra for the fans. What do the fans mean to you?" There's a long pause and a few sighs while he chokes up and tries to gather himself.  Then there's a huge wave of fans (myself included) screaming out, "We love you, Joss!" which I suspect did nothing for his composure.  Then came the standing ovation, first from the audience, then from the cast and crew members on stage. Once he is able to speak, his response (paraphrased of course) is to say that the way the fans have inhabited the world he created makes it real and when he gets with the fans, he doesn't think he's part of the show... he doesn't think there's a show, it feels real.

I think the thing I loved best about this panel was that in all felt very genuine. There was no one there who appeared to be not having fun, or gave the impression they were there only under obligation.  In every panel it always feels like there's one who just isn't feeling it, and that was not the case here. It was all very warm and sincere, just as you might hope it'd be.  :)  Whenever I do something like this I'm always afraid that I'm going to walk away with my wide-eyed idealism shattered, but this time, there was no heartbreak in sight.  It was absolutely a delight and well worth the time I put into it. 

There are bits I've left out I'm sure, because I forgot. Can't remember everything I'm afraid, and I was a bit far away so I didn't get as many good pics as I might have liked. But here's one of the good ones.

July- A whole year of shit crammed into one month.

We've been talking about this for over a year.  We've been planning it for about half a year.  We've had our badges for a few months, our hotel reservations for a couple months as well... But only now is it really sinking in that I am GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING SAN DIEGO COMIC CON!!!!!  HOLY SHIT!!!

Okay, now that that's out of my system, I need to make sure you read that right.  I, DELEVA G. STANLEY AM GOING TO COMIC CON!  Did you get that?  Do I need to say it again?  I AM GOING TO COMIC CON!

Not trying to rub that in, but I've worked really hard to make this happen. Even though I've worked myself into the ground for it I still feel very blessed.  If nothing else, I feel lucky just to have gotten my badge, because the person I'm going with is a freaking awesome ninja who jumped straight into the queue and bought them for us while I was still trying to log in.  :)  I'm still working OT like nuts to make sure I have plenty of fun money.  But this is going to be the trip of a lifetime and it will SOOOOOO be worth it.  I'm checking the website every day to see if there are any updates about guests who are going. 

AND I just found out that through the mojo of friendship and this guy named Eric I am going to probably get a tour of Blizzard while I'm there also.

I'm also going to Westercon the weekend before.  Never been to a Westercon before so I'm looking forward to that, although it's going to be at the same hotel as Norwescon so I imagine it's going to be pretty similar.  :).  I'm doing the Writer's Workshop there so that oughta be exciting in the same way that it always is when you have stone cold writing pros critiquing your work.

AND my best friend Darla is going to be joining us for Comic-Con on Saturday, and then we are going to hang out together in So Cal for a few days, including another trip to Disneyland.  HOPEFULLY if I go in the middle of the touristy season I will be able to do Pirates of the Caribbean and the Haunted Mansion, which I totally didn't the last time.  We might even venture across the courtyard and check out more California Adventures, because we also didn't do that last time.  If I can talk her into it, I'm hoping for a stop by Camp Pendleton although hopefully this time there will be no catastrophic events that knock out the electricity for most of So Cal, leaving us with less than a 1/4 tank of gas and much further from home than that would get us.  :)

AND THEN, I am going to come back, work one day (probably, because I'm a masochist) and then hop a train to Portland for the weekend with my hubby and a few other friends. 

July is going to be very busy.  Part of it is going to be very hot because, yeah:  San Diego in July= hot as hell. 

But man, I am so looking forward to it.  And my gods, Facebook users beware.  I am going to be one picture posting bitch.  :)

My Happy Place

Generally speaking, I am a very sociable person. I like hanging out with my friends and as far as I'm concerned, the more the merrier.  I like big parties.  I also like being the center of attention at said parties because I'm an attention whore.

But there are times... times like now... when my happy place looks like this: 

It's a ramshackle cabin.  It's nice on the inside, because I don't want to live in a dump, but from the outside, it looks very uninviting.  Like, Last House on the Left uninviting.   It sits on the edge of a dark and scary forest.  There is a sign on the outside warning of land mines, volatile indigenous wildlife, and mentally unstable landowners with large, probably illegal automatic weapons.  It sits on the inhospitable side of a large ravine with a rickety bridge as the only means of crossing.  The ravine, if I have my druthers, is named something like, "Never Found the Body Ravine" or "Only One In Twenty Makes It Ravine" or "Did You Win the Not Dying A Screaming Death Lottery Today, Because If Not I Wouldn't Try It Ravine." 

There is a river below.   A big, deep, terrifying one that was, preferably, featured on the show "River Monsters."  I'm flexible on whether or not there are actually river monsters in the river, but if there are, I would like them to be large and visible and kind of prehistoric looking.  And obviously aggressive.  If I can, I will arrange for a troll under the bridge that pops up and demands a completely unreasonable toll like Hitler's mustache hair, or a feather from a velociraptor (not that kind of velociraptor, the other kind... ) or the vas deferens from the ball sack of a leprechaun or something.

In my happy place, Klingon cloaking technology is readily available, and I will have that available to me as a last resort. 

The point is, no one can get to me.  No one can reach me.  I have my Kindle, my laptop to write on (but not access the internet) and a large stash of coffee and beer.

And that's it. 

Be careful what you ask for...

.... because you might get it. And I really mean 'get it.'

So... I have recently been told that I need to be more assertive.

This... is a problem for me, but not because I'm meek. In fact, the problem is quite the opposite. It's very easy for me to start out being "assertive" and wind up being "dictatorial fuckdonkey."

I have tried very very hard to not be that person. I don't really like me when I'm that person, but I have to smash the urges to be that way almost every day. Everytime someone says something even vaguely complimentary, like "Hey Del, good job", I want to stand on top of a mountain and scream, "THAT'S RIGHT WORLD! SUCK ON MY AWESOMENESS! I WIN ALWAYS!" Seriously. Not really kidding about that.

This is why I rarely say anything nice about myself without putting a caveat on it. This is mostly for my own benefit so that I remind myself that while I do have good traits, they are mitigated by a lot of bad ones too. No more so, I don't think, than anyone else, but if I let myself get carried away I will start thinking I have fewer than everyone else.

This is why I will take control of a situation, but only after everyone else has been given a chance and has failed to do so, even though my first instinct is to jump on, grab the reins and steer the bucking bronco of responsibility where I want it to go.

This is why I make a concerted effort to not "get too big for my britches" as Grandma used to say. I recently set up a new Facebook author page for myself, and instead of putting "writer and editor" I put "aspiring writer and editor" out of force of habit.

It's a dangerous road to head down, telling me to be more assertive. I'm like Jekyll and Hyde. On the outside I am confident and capable, but quietly so. On the inside I am a despotic inferno of domineering, vainglorious self-indulgence. On the inside, I am so cocky my hair struts. Do not hand me the world, because I will take it.

Having someone else encourage me to be more assertive gives me one more reason to let myself off the leash, to finally let loose the autocratic, selfish tzarina that lives inside me, Hyde-like, just waiting to come out and thwack someone with her scepter (which I picture as being encrusted with jewels and the fossilized self-esteem of lesser mortals).

But... the person telling me this is not wrong. I do need to be more assertive, and I need to be more out in the world. See, I want to try to get my writing career going and I'm not going to do that by hiding my inner princess. But she does still need to be moderated or I could get carried away (and by carried away, I mean on a palanquin with silk cushions, carried by scantily clad clones of Steve Vai, sipping chilled ambrosia while my Rottweiler, named "Precious" or "JuJu" or something, eats the most recent people who have displeased me).

Okay, it's not really that bad, but honestly, I do need to watch my ego. It will be very easy for me to start thinking wayyyyyyyy too much of myself.

The Frog That Broke the Camel's Back

I am a resilient person. I can take a lot before I break, and when I break, it's usually just in a sort of silly way. Like a pinata: I might be broken but I'm spilling candy and goodies all over the world, so it's kind of okay.

Right?

The point is that there is always some sort of catalyst that pushes me over the edge, some very little thing that just shoves my brain from "tired but still more or less cognizant of reality" to completely pants on my head crazy.

This time, it was this:

This last Tuesday, as I was climbing the stairs that lead up to our driveway, I spied this in the foliage out of the corner of my eye. I had never seen it before.

In a more rational state, I would have just assumed that my mother or father-in-law had placed it there as garden decoration. Which is, I should state, a perfectly reasonable thing to assume as it is in fact garden decoration.

My brain, however, was in absolutely no condition to process reason or, apparently, the fact that local frogs do not come in "coral." Or in the size of a Rottweiler puppy.

It was huge and pink. And to my frazzled brain, it also looked very real. I stared at it for several minutes, completely transfixed like a frightened gazelle. Would it move? If it moved, was it going to come at me? Was it an angry pink frog? Because (and yes, I really thought this) if I got stuck being a frog and pink I would be wicked pissed at life.

I was still undecided as to a course of action when I saw that there was another one.

HOLY SHIT. It was like some sort of pink frog apocalypse. I freaked a little. It didn't help that the other one was more concealed and kind of behind me so it looked a bit like I was being flanked.

At some point, the voice of reason (which had been sleeping on the job for some time, because SOME part of me had to sleep) perked up and said, "Oh my god, are you really worried about this? They're fake. They haven't moved a muscle and they are Pepto Bismal pink."

Still unconvinced, but beginning to acknowledge the point, I resorted to the only possible course of action to determine if they were real: The Poke It With A Stick method. When it "clinked" instead of "squished" and failed to either hop away indignantly or attack me with some sort of amphibian breath weapon or something, I began to laugh at myself. Here, reason came awake fully and naturally I decided that they had been placed there by my in-laws (which is not to say that there wasn't still a voice in my head telling me that the only two other options were some of sort creepy frog-leaving stalker, or terrifyingly sentient raccoons trying to fuck with us).

The rest of the week has been a bit of a blur of uncontrolled giggles, giddy happiness over absolutely nothing, and... well, there's a Rooster in there too somewhere but that's a whole different blog post.