It's taken years to come to this, to some realizations that I wished I had come to before, to understand things I had no hope of understanding as a child and maybe not even as a young woman.
I am no longer a young woman nor am I an old woman. I have reached some in-between place where I am not angry about the past nor scared of the future.
And here is where I can remember my father with laughter, rueful grins and sometimes rolling eyes.
A Smattering of Remembrances
One of my first clear memories was of my father. My mother had brought me downstairs for a glass of water at precisely the moment my father returned home from a long trip to Saudi Arabia. I yelled "Daddy!" and ran to him. I can still remember the feel of his ropy arms around me in that moment....
...the time he forgot his dentures and Mom and I had to bring them to him at work...
...the time I talked back to him on something about which I felt strongly, and he got so unbelievably mad... but later applauded me for standing up for what I believed, even if it was against him.
... the time he hadn't finished his hamburger when it was his turn at a play-day event, so he lackadaisically walked his horse Sassy around the barrels while everyone laughed and Barb played Baby Elephant Walk over the PA.
... my mom's joke about his car accident in France in which he hit a tree in his VW Beetle: he tried to drive Hitler's car up Napoleon's tree.
... background checks on all the boyfriends. ALL OF THEM...
...the time he saw the boy who liked me walking on the side of the road and pulled over to talk to him. According to the boy later, this is how the conversation went:
Dad (leaning over to the passenger window): Hey. Come over here.
Josh (fully aware of who this man is): Yes, sir.
Dad: (fixes Josh with steely blue stare)You were in that play with my daughter, weren't you?
Josh (gulps) Yes.
Dad (gives huge, genuine smile): I loved your character. You did a great job.
Dad drives away, satisfied that he has put the fear of God into the young man and that he can do the background check later...
... the time I befriended a stray dog at a convenience store, who ran after our truck for about a half a mile before soft-hearted Dad pulled over and let him jump in the back. He conceded that the dog was mine but insisted on naming him, and the dog was thereafter dubbed Nutsy....
These were some of the good times.
I love you, Dad.
... background checks on all the boyfriends. ALL OF THEM...
...the time he saw the boy who liked me walking on the side of the road and pulled over to talk to him. According to the boy later, this is how the conversation went:
Dad (leaning over to the passenger window): Hey. Come over here.
Josh (fully aware of who this man is): Yes, sir.
Dad: (fixes Josh with steely blue stare)You were in that play with my daughter, weren't you?
Josh (gulps) Yes.
Dad (gives huge, genuine smile): I loved your character. You did a great job.
Dad drives away, satisfied that he has put the fear of God into the young man and that he can do the background check later...
... the time I befriended a stray dog at a convenience store, who ran after our truck for about a half a mile before soft-hearted Dad pulled over and let him jump in the back. He conceded that the dog was mine but insisted on naming him, and the dog was thereafter dubbed Nutsy....
These were some of the good times.
I love you, Dad.
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